I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
