ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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