every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
