my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
