I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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