I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
