That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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