i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
