So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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