Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
