His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
