i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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