yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
