from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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