Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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