Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
