that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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