I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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