I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
