apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
