Joe is yelling at the trees again.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
