I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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