No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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