You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
