Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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