I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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