She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
