Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
