I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
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It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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