Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
