My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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