Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
