ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
