I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
