Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
