I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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