how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
