I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
