I molested 6 butterflies tonight
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
