nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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