Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.