I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today