Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

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  (248): i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both http://tfl.nu/4hk0
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.

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  (440): i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me. http://tfl.nu/ypbg
  Replies (38) Good night (461) Bad night (5512) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  yes

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?

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  (601): ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest? (1-601): yes (601): did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me? http://tfl.nu/1ahx
  Replies (13) Good night (4741) Bad night (802)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010

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  (304): Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010 http://tfl.nu/5ejl
  Replies (8) Good night (1408) Bad night (2206) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

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  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (140) Good night (6997) Bad night (1643) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.

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  (903): He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well. http://tfl.nu/h56s
  Replies (8) Good night (5327) Bad night (730)
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  (61): View more from Australia

  who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class

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  (61): who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class http://tfl.nu/g4lj
  Replies (6) Good night (4317) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.

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  (248): like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life. http://tfl.nu/wwre
  Replies (3) Good night (2938) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.

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  (204): We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party. http://tfl.nu/tsig
  Replies (3) Good night (2371) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.

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  (613): Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi. http://tfl.nu/hd9g
  Replies (9) Good night (3797) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.

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  (408): I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation. http://tfl.nu/jzil
  Replies (6) Good night (1298) Bad night (673)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.

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  (204): Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water. http://tfl.nu/bq5w
  Replies (3) Good night (1595) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.

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  (250): we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation. http://tfl.nu/ezo2
  Replies (5) Good night (1096) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.

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  (415): I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong. http://tfl.nu/jmit
  Replies (4) Good night (1513) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later

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  (425): I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later http://tfl.nu/4jkk
  Replies (3) Good night (881) Bad night (122) Order T-Shirt

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