Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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