she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.