We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??