I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.