so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex