best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
