He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
