At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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