I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
