he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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