Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
