he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
