the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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