I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?