apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie