He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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