i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
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Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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