the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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