I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
