yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
