is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
