He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
