Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
