WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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